Tuesday, 18 February 2014

The Gentleman's Spring Wardrobe: 2014

Firstly, please allow us to apologise for our hiatus. The life of a modern gentleman is, as we all know well, a life of activity and industry and sometimes cultural pursuits are forced to take second place to these more primary concerns. However, the oft-called cry for the Relish to return has been heard, and what better way to introduce our return to the periodical racks of the country than with another installment of our famous wardrobe supplement!

As Christmas has long since come and gone, we look instead this spring to items for the workplace. We have, as always, been extremely diligent in our scouring of the fashion pages to handpick the finest garments for your perusal. First up in our list is a perennial favourite, albeit for those of a more middle-aged disposition. Hopefully, with a gentle nudge from the Relish, crimson braces may once again supplant the belt and become the youth of today's preferential method for holding their trousers up.

As most excellently demonstrated by the gentleman on the left, red braces give the wearer a sense of authority, of purpose, and exude the confidence of a man who is willing to hand over control of his trousers to a couple of thin bands of cloth. When combined with a dazzling array of pinstripes, the effect is quite simply staggering. We would like to add though, there is a time and place for braces, and it is not when one is wearing 'jeans' and a Trillby. The hipsters may have taken waistcoats from us, we will not surrender our braces quite so easily!

Talking of waistcoats, this brings us on to our next item: the watch chain. I for one find the added weight and inconvenience of a watch uncouthly strapped with a piece of cow flesh to my arm tiresome. My colleagues here at the Relish have encountered similar problems and so we have opted to return to a simple time, when one's watch was safely stowed in one's pocket, where if required it can easily be fetched by a questing hand. However, a quick appraisal of the streets of modern Britain has revealed that still only a few stick to this practice, and so the Relish has devised an all new, illustrated guide to how a pocket watch should be correctly worn.

Gentlemen's Relish Guide to the Correct Usage of Pocket Watches

Example                                                                                                              Relish Rating

A top 10 points from Dave

'Fucking fantastic' Nigel Farage
One of Bo-Jo's fashion no-gos.

Above: Woman responsible for umbrella shortage
Now that this has been cleared up, we think it's time to move on to our last item. Much maligned in recent years due to global warming, the crew of chums here at the Relish believe the humble umbrella has been getting a bit of a bad press recently, we think largely due to this unlikable character:
Instead, we feel it's time this noble tool regained its place amongst the great water deterrent equipment. Not only is the umbrella useful for keeping the rain away, it can also be put to use as a device to illustrate points, to give directions with and is excellent as a thrashing stick (the Relish's very own fag, Tuppence Middleworth, can attest to this). 
Indeed, we have found in our extensive investigations that the umbrella reaches its true potential when it is in fact rolled up! Not only does it promote an image of effortless style, it can be converted a cane/swordstick implement for use both in country, town, and at Association Football games!

The Relish's in-house artist's step by step guide to defending
oneself against
supporters of the Blackburn Rovers football club.
And with that, we leave you this week. Stay in touch though, the Relish will return soon. Feel free to contact us by telegram, in writing or by any other means that facilitates communication and we will reply to you without delay!

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