Tuesday, 18 February 2014

A Double Helping of Relish: Under-use of Dressing Gowns, a Special Editorial.

As previously promised, the Relish is proud to present to its noble readership our very own special editorial on dressing gowns and their unfortunate decline in the modern world.
Avert your eyes, those with delicate sensibilities!

For those that watch television, it appears that for many, the presentable attire for bed consists of something rather like this:

The pure unbridled horror of this image cannot be described in words alone. The bare, hairless chest is exposed not only to the naked eye but to the elements as well. This unfortunate creature here has chosen to inflict his outhrust nipples on any household staff he may encounter during a nocturnal sojourn, although no doubt in this oaf's case it is a trip to procure another can of lager or shandy from his 'den'.

Instead, at the Relish we feel what this image is lacking is a good old fashioned dressing gown.
This dandy dressing gown/shirt and tie combination allows one to exude an air of both formality and leisure, the perfect attire for an own clothes day at work!

However, this grand ensemble is not yet complete. This fellow's unshod feet are still painful to even contemplate. Indeed, this appears to be a 'fad' with the current generations, who seem quite content to stroll around their mortaged properties bare-foot, vulnerable at any time to cutting a foot open on a broken Scotch bottle after their last domestic spat. Needless to say, we at the Relish eschew such a dunderheaded idea and instead recommend a choice of footwear for any night time stroll any of our readers may be considering.

Monogrammed velvet
really is the only choice.

When combined with the shirt and dressing gown, the effect is, as expected, a delicate visual sensation

This fellow had his specially molded to
fit his  new haircut
There is yet more work to be done in the field of dressing gown accessories though! Notice this buffoon's uncapped head, open to attacks from bedbugs while he slumbers! What shall protect his scalp, nestled under his thinning hair, we hear you cry?! Of course, the Relish has an answer to your question. The finest in nocturnal head protection; the nightcap. Not only does it keep one's head warm, it also acts as a helpful counterweight to balance one's nose. If we add this to our diagram, it is easy to see that our inventory is coming to an end.

One last thing remains to complete this Guide to Appropriate Nightwear for the Youth of Today, and that is the Relish's favourite embellishment, a pipe. Personally, we prefer the noble Meerschaum but if you must then you are welcome to add a clay or briarwood pipe to your ensemble. And so, to our diagram once more for the final flourish!
The pipe of the Relish's editor

And there it is, ladies and gentlemen. On your left you can find the Relish's completed illustration demonstrating both the the practicality and style of dressing gowns and well as serving as an inspiration to those that still wander the dark night shirtless of what they too could one evening look like.

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