Friday, 23 March 2012

Monocles: The forgotten eyewear?


I'm going to give you a challenge. Think hard, and try and remember the last time you saw a fellow gentleman sport a monocle. Can't think? My point exactly. The monocle, in my book, is in its last death throes as a piece of eyewear. These days the trend is all for bionocles, or glasses if you will, and these dual lensed contraptions are quickly becoming dominant over British gentlefolk's faces. Take for instance, this gentleman. Not only does he have excellent taste in lapels but his monocle forms a useful piece of equipment. When handed with a breathtaking piece of news he can be easily supplied with a superb squint of disbelief, courtesy of his monocle. Say he is handed a diamond or some other precious stone, the monocle comes to the rescue! The monocle can serve some other lesser uses as well. Take for instance, a gentleman who is short sighted in just one eye. Under the modern trend of spectacle wearing he would have his face and nose overburdened by cumbersome frame work, the monocle solves all this and more. For those looking to cultivate strong eyebrows, the exertion required to hold said eyepiece in position can be of great use.

Of course, the image of the monocle is one that has come under recent scrutiny. For too long the monocle has been associated with evil wartime Jerrys, such as this cretinous example. For a start, the wrinkle marks that adorn his face indicate bad monocle wearing practice, as it is a well known fact that the wearing of a monocle strengthens one's jaw and gives one a handsome, dashing look. Indeed poor monocle wearing is a practice that is sadly too great in the current monocle wearing classes and is one that we must address at a later date. So the solution that I give, gentlemen of Britain, head to your nearest optician, scorn the spectacle and seize yourself a monocle and once again we will prepared to address any situation that urgently requires the use of one eye, and one eye only. If it was good enough for Tennyson it's good enough for us!

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